i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
