Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
