Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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