you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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