the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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