we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
