I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
