Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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