Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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