I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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