I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
