I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
