My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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