Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
