Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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