I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
