sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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