how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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