We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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