what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
