i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
