Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
