u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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