you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
