I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
