EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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