I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
