I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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