can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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