I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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