How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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