Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
