If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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