I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
