youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
