This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
