literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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