reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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