I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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