I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
