yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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