What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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