IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
