I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
