I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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