remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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