You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
