so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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