my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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