I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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