you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
