You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
