As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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