One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
