matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
