idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
