Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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