I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I did not marry a roomba.
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