She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
