Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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